The Root From Which We All Grew

Have you ever wondered why you feel the things you feel. Why your reaction to a situation is completely different than your brothers or friends. Have you ever reacted in a positive or negative way, and then retraced your thoughts, feelings and emotions back to the root of why you gave the response you did? Maybe you have tried to retrace your inward self and came up short, unable to connect any pieces. I don't know that the pieces always connect, but I do know sometimes it can be extremely helpful in us understanding ourselves and even others.

May of 2021 I wrote a journal entry, titled, "The Root from which we all Grew." I always title my journal pages, summing up whatever it is that I just wrote aimlessly about. It seemed to me, as I wrote, that we all have deep roots, fears and desires alike, linked to our very being that cause us to subconsciously react and respond based off of what our experience has taught us. 

I wrote: "What do you feel most the time?.... Its a hard question. There seem to always be a million feelings mixed with a million circumstances. How could you ever possibly choose the most prominent one?" 

After a few moments of thinking, I chose what I believed to be one out of the many deep, core root feelings in my heart that was influencing me, positively and negatively.

I continued: "Weather we want to admit it or not, weather we choose to see what holds us back, what encourages our actions, what influences our decisions, its still there. Our root fear, which often translates into our core desire."

"How can something as insignificant as a feeling or emotion lead you into making some of the most impactful decisions in your life? For one, we should remember, that specific feeling is not an impulsive emotion, but rather an emotional response, born out of past experience and has been alive and growing since you were maybe even very small."

"As water reflects the face, so the heart reflects the true man." - Proverbs 27:19

I'm not saying my quickly written journal entries are accurate or correct, but, I do wonder, what do others have to say about this? I would love insight, feedback and testimonies if this has or has not occurred in your life. 

Random Example: You have discovered that a reoccurring sin or distancing from God in your life links back to a feeling, emotion, or a thought, none of those being sin in of themselves, but since you cannot move past those 'feelings', be it true or not, it causes you to stumble in some areas and feel separated from Gods love, even though His love is still there. 

In Plainer Words: Jenny has a problem with overeating. She knows its an issue, and tries to control it herself, but every time she goes home after a stressful, or long, or even boring day, she justifies eating as her own right because of whatever happened that day. When Jenny gives in to the need to eat to suppress her feelings it always makes her end up feeling guilty and far away from God. Why is this? Is Jenny's problem really the sin of gluttony? Or is gluttony the result of something much more subtle that has been growing inside of her heart for years? We all know that total will power is not a fool proof, long term solution for overcoming sin. Yet, is that not what were doing when we are trying to resist temptation by ourselves, even if we are physically calling on the name of God and reciting scripture. Are our hearts even in a position to resist temptation? And, what does the Bible teach us. Over and over, It seems as if the scripture is teaching us about the power of a heart aligned with Gods.  

What would happen if Jenny would go deeper than seeing her gluttony as the root issue and decide her heart is not in a position to resist temptation. In an honest examination of the heart, maybe she can trace back her emotions, feelings and thoughts of why she turns to eating for her comfort. Many might say its because she is not reading scripture, praying and building a relationship with God like she should be, therefore its a vicious cycle. Sin, repent, sin, repent. The fact that she is repenting, and trying to resist temptation, it would seem her sin is not a result of the lack of trying. In fact, it may be because she is trying too hard. We cannot simply say, "I am going to stop sinning." and stop sinning if nothing inside of us has changed. When we repent and say a, "I'm sorry, Lord, really i am. Help me change..." Are we actually looking into our heart for a way to truly and honestly make that change? Maybe God is trying to show us those rooted emotions, feelings and thoughts (for lack of a better word) that need to be dealt with.. so then, why are we not seeing it?

In short. What happens when we trace our actions back to thoughts, emotions and feelings (aka, generally life experiences and how they affected us) that are leading us to respond in either negative or positive patterns in our life, and approach it with an open heart, ready to receive correction?

Hebrews 12:3-17 but I'll just quote verse 11 here- "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained."

Proverbs 15:32- "Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence."

Moving on, I recently challenged myself to read 50 books this year. As you may know, I am not a huge reader and 50 books is probably more than I have read in the last five years, but I accepted the challenge none-the-less. The main reason I run away from reading is because of how difficult it seems to be to stay focused and sit when there are always a million better things to be doing. Because of this, I am easing into the world of reading by including listening to audio books, which honestly, give me the best of both worlds. If your interested in stalking the books I've read or want to read this year, you can find me on Good Reads here. 

One book I have been working my way through is How People Grow by Henry Cloud. So far I have been very enlightened by how the book has been written. It switches between real life examples and more intricate Biblical theology and scripture, woven in with practical questions and thoughts for those growing (basically all of us, but more specifically those who've come to a place of brokenness and realize their need for growth) and those facilitating others in the process of growth (pastors, counselors, therapists, etc.)

The book largely emphasizes how all growth is spiritual growth. Down to every little nit picky aspect of your life that we are often tempted into thinking, "If I can just get this right, I can start working on more important areas of my life..." The reality is, those smaller areas may be telling you something larger, showing you a larger root issue that cannot and should not be ignored. This book has touched on many thoughts I've had on growth and explains the ideas really well. 

Here are a few thoughts on the book that I've appreciated or taken extra time to ponder:

-"No one grows to maturity that does not understand suffering."

-What if we would see God as a partner in helping us get rid of our sinful behavior, not as an angry judge we can never please.

-We can turn to God and ask Him to show us the source of our behaviors and to be healed/changed, instead of hiding from Him and attempting to change on our own.

-Reclaiming weakness and seeing it as Gods design, because He is in control, not us.

-The Law and Grace. The law makes us conscious of spiritual death, grace provides a way to change. Don't get the two confused.

-"Sometimes guilt is not a problem to be solved; Instead, it is a symptom of the position one lives in. If adults have not emotionally grown up to be equals (with siblings, other adults) they will experience peers as parental figures..... People stuck in this position must see guilt as a sign that they have given other people the position of 'God-the-parent' in their lives. They must move out of the position of being under parental approval and be adopted by God and answerable to Him."

-"...Do not refer to pain and suffering caused by character patterns as "growth pains." Unless you can use this pain as a wake-up call, it is worthless. If you see it as valid suffering God is putting someone through, or as God's testing someone's faith, or as someone being the "victim" of someone else's mistakes, the pain will be wasted, and it will continue or return. It is not legitimate suffering. It is the fruit of a lack of growth."

So, how does this all connect with my thoughts at the beginning of the post? Maybe it doesn't.. but I think it does.  As I said before, I would love feedback.

Could it be that our deepest fears and desires are actually causing us to stumble in some areas of our lives? Those earthly feelings and emotions that we hold so tightly to... do they have power to effect us negatively and positively, first on subconscious levels, then on physical?

The process of healing emotionally, mentally and even physically from trauma is a long road for most, is it possible those minor childhood traumas have implanted emotions and feelings into us that automatically make us process information and circumstances with that came tinted childhood filter? Is this why some people seem to thrive in some aspects of life, but in others areas of that same life, they are miles behind, struggling to get a hold on life. If these things are or are not true, where does growth come into play.. and more than just personal growth, but spiritual growth. Is everything we do spiritual? And how are you defining spiritual... is it based off of a largely known interpretation of the word 'spiritual', or based off of your own personal experience...

Thank you for participating in reading my thoughts. What is your initial response to this post?...and why. Really, I'd love to know.